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Text - Humor - Top 16 Signs Grandma Might Be A Serial Killer.txt
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2003-08-15
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The Top 16 Signs Your Grandmother May be a Serial Killer
16> That Afghan she's been knitting? 100% human hair.
15> Bone fragments in her mincemeat pies.
14> A sudden fondness for serving Figgy Pudding, while Mr. Figgy
down the road has been missing for over a week.
13> Complains that her freezer just doesn't have enough head room.
12> Trash bags of "rose clippings" are awfully damn heavy and
smell like hell.
11> Her collection of antique thimbles includes thumbs.
10> After every evening homicide report, carves another notch in
the arm of her rocker.
9> Doesn't serve Crab Louie on Melba toast, serves Louie and Melba.
8> Arrives at her own surgery with replacement organs in-hand.
7> Mistakenly served her bridge club actual lady fingers.
6> You've never heard of a church that has midnight mass EVERY
night.
5> Nothing to show for her six marriages except a well-stocked
freezer.
4> You don't get homemade chicken noodle soup, you get
head-of-the-kid-next-door-who-wouldn't-turn-his-radio-down soup.
3> Has a bumper sticker that reads: "Ask me about my latest victim."
2> That funny feeling you get when she's in her room with the lights
off and "Helter Skelter" turned up full blast on the ol' Victrola.
and the Number 1 Sign Your Grandmother May be a Serial Killer...
1> Accidentally sends you her manifesto and mails a letter about
her hip replacement to the Washington Post.